Day One

Looks like the weather has changed. Perhaps I'll go mow. It might take away some of my anxiety and angst about not being employed and having a viable source of income other than plasma donation. Ten years ago I would have thought of someone living life the way I do as a complete loser. But now here I am. Everyday it's a battle of self-hatred versus hope. Hope has won every time, but I've never had much hope about anything really, so what little hope I have is fading. Every day I feel an oppressive weight pressing down further. It sucks because even when I had a job, I never had any money. So what's the point of working? The American dream is a lie, and does not come true anymore. It's all so pointless and useless. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.